It's all Cat Stevens' fault

I feel this post may be a deep one, because it's summer which means I just gained a year on top of my age. I'm also in a deep state of self pity because I have flu and this means I have too much time to think, Me and Josh have also just got back from an internet-free place which meant we had lots of time to discuss a 'life plan' (holy shit, I'm an adult).
Today lots of people I know got their degree results and its really put into perspective that this will also be me next year.  I'm scared of graduating, I've been off uni only two months and I'm already missing it. I'm scared that when I graduate I'll fall into a boring routine. Routine is nice sometimes, but there are also times where it drives me insane, I'm scared that graduate life won't give me enough challenge or fun and that I'll stop learning. Some people say "Well that's what the real world is like." - but why does it have to be that way?  Why has everyone grown up to sell their souls to call centres and depressing jobs that they don't enjoy, probably money, and I don't blame them because money can buy nice things like every single colour Pro Marker. 
I feel like I could do with a lot more time in university to find my style and to get a better understanding of what I'm missing at the moment. My grades this year have really confused me, I've produced work I'm really happy with but my grades have been pretty bad. Still enough to pass, but low enough to make me confused. I hope it's okay to come out of university and not be 100% amazing at what you do, because the way I see it and the way I hope employers see it is that university is just the beginning (kind of like starting school, but you're at the bottom).

I'm also scared because too soon I'll have to start deciding on important things like where I'm going to apply for jobs, I could easily just do what I did with university and stay local because I'm too attached to my family or I could branch out and move somewhere else. Where I apply for jobs is going to effect where I live, it also effects Josh and his job. What if he can't get a job in the place I'm getting a job? I want to travel and I want to live in different places but I'd just miss home and my family.

Graduating isn’t even the only bit of my freak out. In our life talk I discovered that I have an average of 7-10 years to spawn a child. How am I supposed to spawn a child when I want to do all this other cool stuff? I can’t believe I’m even thinking about this, but everyone has a stage where their eggs start swimming away (I don’t think they swim, maybe they get boiled/poached/fried). I'm not ready for this poaching process to happen, nor am I ready to have a child pop out from my nether regions. How am I supposed to get a kick ass job, and get a pretty house that has an impressive array of scatter cushions and spawn a child in the next 7-10 years? Optimum freak out has been reached.

I know you probably think I’m crazy for having a life plan which involves children and stuff but it’s the kind of stuff you have to think about (I know you all do, I’m just the only one lame enough to discuss it in a blog post). I think I may be a bit too organised and need to just abandon the hell out of any plans I have. This shit's getting way too personal now and potential employers that are hopefully not reading this are probably thinking I'm a crazy person. I'm going to continue my self pity and listen to Cat Stevens now because I'm deep, I'm going to join a peace train instead of grown up life. 


Thanks for reading and sorry for the lameness, what can I say - I can't keep it in, I've gotta let it out. Sorry for all the Cat Stevens references.
 photo signature.jpg